


Love the Way You Lie

by blakefancier



Series: Love the Way You Lie Series [2]
Category: Captain America (2011)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Alternate Universe - Slavery, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-28
Updated: 2011-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-23 03:27:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/245780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakefancier/pseuds/blakefancier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years later and Howard's world is still crumbling.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> ~~This is totally a WIP that I hope to get done in a week's time. I was going to wait until I finished, but my ability to delay gratification has been severely taxed this week. So those of you who hate WIPs might just wanna bookmark and come back later. Those who don't mind, read away. I already know how this baby is going to end.~~ Done, done, jiggety jig!

Howard stared at his reflection in the mirror and reminded himself that this was who he was now; this was the man that circumstances made him. He took a deep breath, adjusted the collar of his shirt, and finished tying the front of his leather pants. His hands shook and he bit his lower lip until he tasted blood; it distracted him from the unbearable anger that threatened to overwhelm him.

Seven years and the humiliation never let up.

"You look gorgeous," Obadiah called from the doorway of their bedroom.

His cheeks flushed with pleasure and his heartbeat sped up. He told himself that it was the control chip and that without it all he would feel was disgust.

Obadiah pressed up against Howard's back, sliding an arm around him to fondle his groin.

He gasped and leaned back against Obadiah's chest, his cock swelling.

Obadiah laughed softly and squeezed gently, eliciting a moan from him. "I love the way your eyes flash all hot and angry that millisecond before the control chip kicks in. You'd gut me if you could, wouldn't you?"

"Yes," he moaned, arching into Obadiah's hand. The chip wouldn't let him lie.

"But you'd love for me to shove my cock in your ass and ream you until you come, too."

God, he wanted that just as badly. "Y-Yes."

"Should I make you come now, before the party?" Obadiah whispered and rubbed the heel of his hand against Howard's erection. "You're such a good boy, Howard."

Howard cried out and arched his body as the control chip lit the pleasure centers of brain.

Obadiah chuckled. "You're going to be an attentive boy to all my guests, aren't you? You're going to give them what they want, whatever they want. My good boy."

He tried to fight it, but it was useless; he jerked his hips against Obadiah's hand and whined softly.

"Look at you, you're making a wet spot on the front of your trousers. I always knew you were a slut, Howard." Obadiah grinned and bit his neck, making him cry out. "I can't wait until Tony is old enough to attend my parties. I bet he'll be even more eager than you."

"No!" Howard shook his head, horror thickening his voice. "God, no!"

"Good boy."

He sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut, as pleasure rocked his body. "I hate you!"

"I know." Obadiah shoved him away and he had to catch himself on the wall. "The Captain is going to be in attendance tonight, Howard. I want you to give him special attention."

"Please don't make me." He pressed his forehead against the cool glass, his body trembling from pleasure and emotion.

"You really hate him that much?"

"Yes!" He shuddered. "No… I don't know."

"Poor confused Howard." Obadiah slapped his ass. "You make sure he's happy. Oh, and check that Tony is tucked into bed. Wouldn't do to have him wandering around during the party."

"I will," he whispered.

He did his best to pull himself together and slipped into a robe to hide what he was wearing.

Tony was in his room, sprawled out on his bed, reading. When Howard walked in, he shoved the magazine under his pillow and smiled charmingly. "Hi, dad!"

"Tony, what's that?" He sat on the bed and raised an eyebrow.

"What's what?" Butter wouldn't melt in the boy's mouth.

Howard held out his hand and Tony sighed, handing over the item under his pillow. Howard's stomach clenched. "What did I tell you about reading these comic books?"

"But, dad, it's the Captain! He's a hero!" Tony gave Howard a pleading look.

"I don't care. You're not allowed to read these!" His voice shook slightly.

"Uncle Obi gave it to me, and he said I could read them if I wanted to!" Tony was glaring now, arms crossed over his chest, daring him to contradict Obadiah.

I'm your father, not Obadiah, he wanted to say. You're supposed to listen to me! Instead, he threw the comic on the bed. "Fine, read the damn thing if you want. That's… that's not why I'm here. The party is starting in a few minutes. What are the rules?"

"Dad, I’m five, I remember the rules." Tony rolled his eyes when Howard gestured for him to continue. "Stay in the room, lock the door, and put the chair under the doorknob. If anyone tries to get in, hide."

"Perfect." He stroked Tony's hair and kissed his forehead. "You're a good— Don't stay up too late."

"I won't. Love you, dad." Tony smiled at him.

"Good night, Tony." He got to his feet and smiled at the boy.

*****

Howard was the life of the party, not that he had much choice in the matter. Obadiah made sure he was doing his duty. By the end of the first hour, his throat felt raw, his knees hurt, and he was in a constant state of arousal. At the end of the second, he'd lost his shirt and his pants were open and he, God, he just wanted to be left alone. But the guests kept touching him, kissing him, laughing at his vulnerability, at his arousal.

It wasn't until the party was in full swing that he found Steve, not sitting among the other military men, but alone in the study, stretched out on the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

Howard's chest tightened and he remembered the nineteen-year-old boy Steve had been: small and skinny and oh so earnest. The boy whose innate goodness had shone through in his every action and every word.

The boy he fell in love with, and sometimes, still ached for.

He stepped into the study and cleared his throat.

Steve sat up, his eyes wide with startlement. "Howard."

"Hello, Captain. It's nice to see you again." He tilted his hip slightly, lifted his chin as Steve's gaze traveled up his body.

"Last time you saw me, you spat in my face." Steve flushed and looked away.

"That was a long time ago, I was a different man." He walked over and sat next to him on the couch, their thighs touching.

"You… Your pants are untied." Steve swallowed hard.

"Easier to get them off that way." He smiled and leaned his head on Steve's shoulder. "If it upsets you that much, tie them yourself."

"Did Obadiah put you up to this?" Steve shifted slightly.

"Of course he did. He wants you to have a good time, Captain. Besides, if you fuck me, he'll have something to use for blackmail."

"You don't want this."

"I… " He shuddered. "I don't know. If you don't fuck me, Obadiah will make sure someone does. He might even make the other slaves do it for the enjoyment of the party."

"You're not slaves."

Howard laughed and Steve had the grace to look embarrassed. "You smell nice. Do you want to kiss me?"

"Howard..." Steve shook his head, but it wasn't a no because he was looking at Howard's mouth.

"One kiss won't hurt, Captain. I won't tell your pretty little wife."

Steve snorted and stroked Howard's jaw. "You talk too much."

"Then shut—" The rest of his sentence was smothered by Steve's mouth. He closed his eyes and moaned, it wasn't much of a kiss, just a soft press of lips, but it made Howard ache all over. It made him want more.

He licked his lips and imagined he could taste Steve on them.

"Obadiah is a bastard," Steve whispered and leaned in for another kiss.

He parted his lips and coaxed Steve's tongue into his mouth. Steve tasted like brandy: sweet and comfortable. He sank into the kiss, pretending they were somewhere else, pretending that tomorrow he wouldn't hate himself for giving in.

When Steve broke the kiss, Howard moaned in disappointment. "Take me to bed, Captain. Please, just take me to bed."

"Howard, do you hate me? " Steve's voice was hoarse and he was frowning.

"Yes, I hate you." But that was the wrong question to ask. "I hate a lot of people. I hate Obadiah, and he still fucks me every night. Please, Steve, please. Don’t make me go out there. I don't want to go out there." His eyes stung and he pressed his face against Steve's neck.

Steve gently stroked his hair. "Alright, alright. I won't make you go out there, Howard."

"There are bedrooms for guests to use."

Steve laughed; it almost sounded bitter. "Of course there are. Come on then, show me."

Howard took a deep breath and nodded. He got to his feet and offered Steve his hand. After a slight hesitation, Steve took it and stood up. He led Steve to the closest bedroom and locked the door behind them. He wasn't sure what to expect, most guests would have shoved him on the bed or over a piece of furniture and gone right for it. But Steve just stared at him, his cheeks pink, a little frown on his face.

"Don't like what you see?" he asked, though he knew that Steve did.

"You look great. You always look great. Take a shower and…" Steve's eyes flicked down to Howard's groin. "And take care of yourself, too."

Howard didn't know why, but he blushed. "Sure, alright."

He made quick work of the shower, and just thinking about Steve and what might happen tonight, he was able to get himself off after a few strokes. He knew he should feel ashamed about that, but it was so surreal that he decided to worry about it in the morning.

When he walked back into the room, Steve was already in bed. Howard's mouth went dry and his cock valiantly twitched. He took a deep breath and told himself to stop being an idiot. This was just another fuck.

But Steve looked so good. And naked, he looked so young and innocent, like the first time he stepped out of the capsule with his new body.

"Howard?"

He blinked and smiled. "Nothing. Sorry, just woolgathering."

"Yeah." Steve took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Are there cameras in here?"

"Probably." He slipped into bed and wiggled against Steve. "Does it matter?"

"No. Howard…" Steve looked at him and suddenly Howard knew what he was going to say.

"You're not going to fuck me." And why did he sound so disappointed?

"No, I'm not. Howard, I can't sleep with someone who can't give consent."

He laughed bitterly and pulled away. "And whose fault is that?"

"My fault. It's my fault. You don't really want to sleep with me, do you, Howard?" Steve gently stroked his hair and for a moment, he couldn't speak.

"I do. I do and I don't know why." He closed his eyes and struggled to pull himself together. "I hate you. I hate you so much for what you did. What you're doing. You betrayed us. You betrayed me. I don't know why it still hurts so much."

"I’m sorry. I'm so sorry."

"That's the worst part of it. I know you are, Steve. I know you're sorry. But it doesn't change anything. I spend more time on my knees and back than I do in the lab. My own son doesn't respect me. Even he knows I'm just Obadiah's fuck toy. And you're sorry. You're so, so sorry."

He told himself it was too late for tears, but then Steve put an arm around him and the dam burst. He pressed his face against Steve's chest and let it all come out. He cried until everything hurt, he cried until he felt wrung out, exhausted. Then he just lay there against Steve's chest, shuddering.

"P-Promise me something?"

"If I can," Steve said, his voice soft and hoarse.

"Promise me that you'll find a way to get Tony away from Obadiah before he hits puberty. Promise me that my son won't spend his life being a sex toy."

Steve kissed his hair. "I promise, Howard. I promise."

He was alone when he woke up the next morning. He lay in bed for a while, enjoying the fact that nothing hurt and that no one was demanding anything.

He stumbled out of bed a half hour later, wondering if Tony was awake and if he should put on a clean pair of pants before getting a cup of coffee. As he made his way down the hallway, he stopped and frowned. He thought he heard a man's laugh coming from Tony's room and it wasn't Obadiah. His heart tripped in his chest before he realized that he knew that laugh.

He hurried down the hall and stopped to stare into Tony's room. Steve sat on the bed next to a beaming Tony who was holding up a pair of skates. Something very much like anger reared its head.

"Okay, so what are those, then? Do they turn into a bicycle or something?" Steve was grinning.

"Nooo!" Tony rolled his eyes. "They're jet powered."

"That sounds dangerous." He took the skates and examined them.

"Yeah." Tony sighed. "That's what Dad says. He won't let me try them out."

"Your dad's a smart man, Tony." Steve looked over at him and smiled. "Good morning, Howard."

He stepped into the room. "Good morning."

"Dad, look who came for a visit! It's the Captain!" Tony said it with such awe that Howard couldn't help but feel jealous.

Steve flushed slightly and laughed. "He knows who I am, Tony. Your dad and I are old friends."

"You are?" Tony's eyes widen. "Dad, why didn't you tell me that? I've been wanting to meet you forever, Cap."

"Your dad made my shield and my first costume."

"That was a long time ago," Howard said, harshly.

The smile on Steve's face disappeared. "Yeah. Well, listen, I gotta go. My wife will be wondering where I am. But it was nice to meet you, Tony. And it was nice seeing you again. Howard."

"Will you come back for a visit?" Tony was practically bouncing on the bed. "Pleeeease! I got lots to show you!"

Steve tousled his hair and stood up. "I'd like that. Why don't you walk me out, Howard. I think Obadiah is sleeping in."

"All right. Tony, get ready for breakfast."

"Okay!" Tony bounced off the bed, gave Steve a quick hug, and ran into the bathroom.

Howard gestured for Steve to follow him; they didn't speak until they were at the front door.

"He's a cute kid, Howard. Smart, too. A lot smarter than I was led to believe." Steve frowned slightly, deep in thought.

"Obadiah likes keeping secrets, especially when they'll give him an edge. Besides, Tony's only five. He's still learning." Howard touched Steve's arm. "He's still too young for the labs."

"Yes, of course he is." Steve blinked rapidly, then smiled. He brushed his thumb against Howard's lower lip. "I'll see you soon."

Howard leaned in and kissed Steve. Not soon enough, he didn't say.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where Howard is fucked up, Steve is easy, Tony is adorable, and the author needs to remember that sex does not equal plot (at least not in this story).

A month later, the Captain stood in Obadiah's living room while his Commandos ransacked the room. Howard did his best to sit quietly and inconspicuously on the couch. Obadiah was not so calm.

"What the hell is going on here? I have rights! I have rights as a citizen of the Skrull Empire!" Obadiah was practically shaking with fury, his face red.

The Captain stood at ease in the middle of the room, his face blank. "You've been accused of treason, Mr. Stane. As such all rights are suspended"

"I've been what? This is ridiculous. This is—"

"Oh, God, can I shoot him, Cap?" One of the soldiers touched his sidearm. "The guy's giving me a headache."

Steve quirked his lips in amusement. "Easy, Bucky. Mr. Stane is just upset. He's allowed to voice his displeasure."

The soldier, Bucky, muttered under his breath, "I could make it look like an accident."

Howard bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't laugh.

"Nothing in this room, Cap," Bucky said, after a few minutes. "Should we check out the rest of the townhouse?"

"Give me a sec. Howard, go get Tony."

He was on his feet before Obadiah growled, "Stay where you are, Howard! You want the kid, Captain, you get him yourself!"

"He's hindering a military investigation. Now can I shoot him?" Bucky asked.

Steve smiled and walked over to Howard. Then he gently gripped his chin. "Howard, look at me. Good, thank you. Override code: Charlie, Alpha, Peter, name Rogers, Steven, designation Captain America."

He gasped as a shock went through his body and the tension left him. "W-What did you do?"

"I keyed your chip to my bio-signs. Now go get Tony, Howard."

He nodded and touched the back of his neck. What the hell did that mean? He paused just outside of the room, where he knew Steve couldn't see him and listened. Obadiah was yelling again about calling his lawyer and the governor and a few senators he knew.

"Bucky, take Mr. Stane into the next room and shut him up."

"Sure, Cap."

Howard shuddered and hurried to Tony's room. He found the boy hiding in his closet, his face pale, his eyes wide.

"What's going on, Dad?" he asked and held out his arms.

He was getting too big for it, but Howard picked him up anyway. "I'm not sure, I think Obadiah's in trouble. But the Captain is here and he wants to see you."

"He is? He does?" Tony looked like he was about ready to burst from happiness.

Howard forced himself to smile. "That's right. I think you impressed him."

"I’m the smartest person he's ever met," Tony said proudly. "And he's met a lot of people."

"Yeah. Well, we shouldn't keep him waiting." God, what if Steve was taking him to the labs? There'd been rumors, whispers, of the Skrulls taking kids who were special. And although Steve promised to protect Tony from Obadiah, that's all he promised.

He wanted to run, he wanted to set Tony down and tell him to hide, but he couldn't do either of those things, even the thought of it made his head throb. He pressed a kiss to Tony's hair; he couldn't protect his son.

Once in the living room, Tony squirmed until Howard set him down. Then he ran to Steve, who swept him into a hug.

"Where have you been, Cap? I've been waiting forever." Tony hugged him tightly.

"Sorry, pal, I've been busy with work." Steve looked over at Howard and grinned.

Howard grinned back almost immediately, affection warming him, making him feel giddy. He sat down on the chair closest to him and closed his eyes, just enjoying the feeling.

"Could we really? Dad, could we? Dad?"

He opened his eyes and blinked in confusion. Tony was looking at him expectantly. "I'm sorry, I…"

"Cap says we can live with him until Uncle Obi comes back from his fishing trip. Can we?"

He almost laughed, because of course Steve would make it sound as if they had a choice in the matter. "That would be great. Thank you, Captain."

Steve beamed at him and he squirmed as the pleasure warming him went up a few notches. He began to stiffen slightly; he took a deep breath and dug his nails into his thighs. Not looking at Steve helped. "P-Please don't do that."

"Don’t do what? Dad, are you okay?"

One of the Commandos snorted. "I think he means you ought to dial it down, Cap, for the kid's sake, if not for ours."

"What? Oh. Oh! Sorry, I forgot. The programming is still new and… and…"

When Howard looked up, Steve was bright red and Tony, thankfully, looked extremely confused. "Can we pack a few things?"

"Sure, of course. Gabe, Dum Dum, give them a hand." Steve set Tony down and fidgeted, and just like that he was that awkward nineteen-year-old boy again.

And Howard was just confused.

*****

Howard felt nervous and he wasn't sure why. It's not as if he had any choice in the matter, surely she'd know that. He kept a tight hold on Tony's hand and gave him a warning look.

Steve unlocked the door and ushered them into his apartment. "Peggy, we're home."

"Finally, I thought you'd be all day," she called from another room. A few moment's later, she appeared, smiling; Howard forgot how beautiful she was. "Where' s James?"

Steve moved forward and kissed her cheek. "Bucky had some paperwork to do, but he'll be home in a few hours.

"Well, he'll have to eat cold take-away, then." She walked over to Howard and gave him a once over. "It's nice to see you again, Howard."

"You too, Peggy." _I almost fucked your husband a few weeks ago._

She knelt down in front of Tony and held out her hand. "And you must be Tony. Steve has told me so much about you."

Tony grinned at her and shook her hand. "You're pretty."

Peggy laughed. "Oh, I see you're as charming as your father. Would you like to see your room?"

Tony looked up at Steve; Howard let go of Tony's hand. "Can I?"

"Sure. " Steve stroked Tony's hair. "You can let Peggy know if you want your room painted another color."

Peggy stood up. "I'll call in dinner. There's a pot of coffee on for you and Howard. Come on, Tony, your room's this way."

"Right." Steve hunched his shoulders and looked away. "I guess Peggy wants us to talk. Leave your suitcase; you can get it later. Kitchen's this way. "

The kitchen was warm and homey, the sort of kitchen he imagined Steve had growing up. Steve gestured for Howard to sit, then poured them each a cup of coffee. They both sat at the table and sipped their drinks. The quiet was unbearable.

He cleared his throat and stared into his mug. "So, one of your soldiers lives with you?"

"Yeah, Bucky. I told you about him, remember? He was my best friend growing up. Still is my best friend." Steve took a deep breath. "About that. Our living arrangement is a little… unusual."

Howard snorted; of course it was.

Steve blushed. "No, listen. Peggy and me, we… I love her but… You know, she was military and they were gonna kill her. I told them that… that she was my girl. That's the only reason she's still alive."

He closed his eyes and he thought of Erskine, of Phillips and the countless other men and women who died that day the Skrulls stormed the lab. The day Steve led them into the lab. His hands shook and he felt sick.

"It took her a long time to forgive me, even after I saved her life. She and Bucky sort of…"

"Fell in love," he whispered.

"Yeah."

He opened his eyes. Steve was staring at him. "Did you kill Obadiah because of me?"

"Bucky killed Obadiah because that's what we were ordered to do."

Steve was lying. "What does it mean that I'm keyed to you?"

"Your chip receives info from my chip. Lets you know what I'm feeling. No verbal keywords are needed to let you know that I'm pleased with you. Or upset."

"You…" For a second, he couldn't get the words out; he was too appalled. He swallowed hard. "You have a control chip?"

"Of course I do. The leadership is very careful. Even when it comes to Captain Turncoat." Steve gave a wry smile.

"The control chip, is that why…" He couldn't finish the sentence, the lump in his throat was too big.

The smile vanished from Steve's face. "No."

Howard closed his eyes against the sudden flood of emotion.

"You and Tony are safe here, Howard. I promise that no one will hurt you while I'm around."

Just you, he thought. He looked at Steve. "Do you want me in your bed?" He didn't know whether he wanted the answer to be yes or no.

"I told you, I won't have sex with someone who can't consent."

Then why was he here? What use was he? "You have a control chip, too."

"That's different. And even if it wasn't, they don't cancel each other out. You still can't consent."

Howard set down his cup and licked his lips. "Did you kill Obadiah because of Tony? Is that why we're here?"

Steve sipped his coffee. "I wonder when dinner will get here."

He never thought he'd be jealous of his own son. It made him feel dirty. He reminded himself that while Tony was smarter than him, the boy was also only five.

Howard pushed back his chair and got to his feet. He slowly walked over, until he was standing next to Steve's chair. He ran his hands through Steve's hair. "I'm really good in bed. I know how to do things with my mouth that could bring you off in seconds."

"Howard," he said in a warning tone. But he didn't say stop, he didn't say no.

Howard sank to his knees and looked up at Steve. "You could have me whenever you wanted me. However you wanted. You could make me need you. You could make me ache with a look."

"You hate me." Steve reached down and ran his fingers along the side of Howard's face.

He turned his head and licked Steve's palm. "That's doesn’t mean I can't want you. Ask me if I want you."

Steve swallowed hard. "Do you want me?"

"So much it hurts." Oh, God, he did. "Do you want to feel how hard I am for you?"

"Yeah." Steve's pupils were blown so wide, there was almost no blue left.

He slowly stood, took Steve's hand, and pressed it against his crotch. He let out a breathy little moan that Steve echoed. Then Steve began to massage him through his pants and he cried out softly.

He put his hands on Steve's shoulders and moved his hips, moaning softly. It was good, so perfect; he was pretty sure that Steve's pleasure was heightening his own, and oh, that was fucking wonderful.

Then, because someone in the universe hated him, James, Bucky, whatever the hell his name was, came strolling into the kitchen. "So what's for—oh, shit! Sorry, Steve!"

Howard was unceremoniously shoved back and he caught himself on the counter so hard he knew he'd have a bruise later.

"Bucky!" Steve scrambled to his feet, his face red. "I… I… I need to get out of my uniform! Excuse me!"

He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see Steve hightail it out of the room or look at Bucky's face.

"Um, sorry about that."

Howard took a deep breath, then another, and opened his eyes. "You wouldn’t happen to know where my room is. I need a few moments to myself."

"Right. Down the hall, second door on the left."

"Thanks." He didn't run, he couldn't in his condition, but he moved as fast as possible. And when he got to his room, he didn’t even bother locking the door. He just shoved a hand down his pants and stroked himself until he came.

*****

Howard refused to leave the room the rest of the evening, not even for dinner. Sometime about midnight, he slipped out of his room. Hopefully there would still be some Chinese food left. He moved as quietly as he could down the hallway, stopping when he heard voices coming from the living room.

"So what do you think?" Steve asked and Howard moved slightly into a shadow so he could see into the room without being seen in return.

It was just Steve and Bucky; he wondered where Peggy was hiding.

"I think that you can say goodbye to your virginity if you keep making out with Howard like that."

Steve turned a bright red. "I meant about Tony."

Bucky shrugged. "I think he's a cute kid. He's got a mouth on him, though."

Steve laughed softly. "You started it. He's great though, isn't he? He's a genius, Bucky. He's the smartest person I've ever met, not counting Nathaniel's boy."

Howard clenched his jaw and tried to temper the jealously that welled up; right now he needed to listen.

"Yeah," Bucky snorted. "And we've both seen what that little psychopath can do."

"That's not fair. Reed can't help being what the Skrulls made him. Besides, Tony's different. He could really change things for us. He could make a difference."

Howard knew it. There was something Steve wasn't telling him, something about Tony. Maybe Steve was going to send the boy to the labs; his chest tightened in fear.  
Tony was young, too young to understand the consequences.

"No pressure there or anything, Steve."

Steve sighed and leaned back in his chair. "I’m just… I’m…"

"You're tired. We're all tired. Look, why don't you take what Howard's offering?"

"I told you—"

"Yeah, yeah, but from what you said, it sounded like he was the one coercing and not the other way around."

"It doesn't work that way and you know it. Just… Just stay out it."

"Look, I'm worried about you. Peggy's worried about you. Neither of us like that you're so lonely."

Steve smiled. "How can I be lonely when I have the two of you?"

"It's not the same."

"It's enough. Now why don't you go to bed?" Steve's smile widened. "My gorgeous wife is waiting for you."

Howard slunk back down the corridor, but instead of slipping back into his bedroom, he went into Tony's. He watched the boy sleep for a moment, before climbing into bed with him.

Tony stirred and his eyes fluttered open. "Daddy? Wassa matter?"

"Nothing," he whispered and kissed Tony's forehead. "Go back to sleep."

"Mmm." Tony closed his eyes.

Howard wrapped an arm around Tony's body and held him gently. Not for the first time, he wished he could be a better father.


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard tries to get into Steve's pants *and* find out what's going on. It's not easy.

"Dad! Dad, wake up!" Tony shook him until he opened his eyes. "Did you have a bad dream?"

"What? No. No, I just, I... I..." He didn’t know what to say.

Tony rolled his eyes. "You're weird, Dad. Do you think we can have pancakes for breakfast?"

"You can ask, but they probably won't have time." He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Can you make me pancakes?" He gives Howard a wide-eyed, hopeful look.

"Do you remember what happened last time I tried to cook?" God, give him a pile of machinery any day.

Tony giggled. "The pancakes exploded and Uncle Obi banned you from the kitchen. "

That wasn't the only punishment he got that day. "That's right."

"I miss him. Do you miss him, too, Dad?"

"Who? Obadiah? God, no." He snapped his mouth shut when Tony gave him a wounded look. What the hell could he say that wasn't a lie? "It hasn't even been twenty-four hours. He's been on business trips longer than this."

"I miss him!" Tony hopped off the bed with a glare and stormed into the bathroom.

 _Get used to it._ He rubbed his eyes and thought about curling under the covers for a few more hours of sleep when there was a knock on the door. "Come in."

The door opened and Steve blinked in surprise. "Howard, hey, you're here. Bucky wanted me to let you and Tony know that breakfast will be ready in a half hour."

He listened to the sound of Tony singing and the splash of water coming from the bathroom. He opened his mouth to tell him all right, but what came out was, "Why did you even bother with me if all you wanted was Tony?"

"What?" Steve shook his head. "You're not making any sense."

"I heard you and Bucky talking last night."

"You… You were spying on us?" Steve strode over and grabbed him by the arm.

Steve's grip hurt, but what was even worse was the pain that spiked through Howard's head and down his spine. He whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut. "I'm sorry," he whispered frantically. "Sorry, sorry, sorry!"

"Dammit! Shh, it's okay. It's okay, I'm not mad anymore." Steve let go of Howard's arm and rubbed the back of his neck, as if to soothe away the pain.

But Steve was still angry, of course he was, and the pain went on and on forever until Howard couldn't take it anymore and passed out.

*****

When Howard woke up, he was in a dark, unfamiliar room and his whole body ached. He hated that; it was never a good sign. He made to sit up, but a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Don't move," Steve whispered. "You'll only hurt yourself if you do."

Howard remembered. "I'm sorry," he said. His tongue felt too big for his mouth, as if it were wrapped in gauze.

"So am I." Steve stroked his forehead. "Don't you ever eavesdrop on me again, do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand." He worried at his lower lip for a moment. "What do you want with Tony? Are you going to send him away?" The thought both horrified and thrilled him.

"Don't worry about Tony, Howard."

Steve began to rub Howard's temples and he closed his eyes in pleasure. He could feel the pain receding and he fought to keep his train of thought as the chip in his brain made the switch from pain to pleasure. "I'm his dad."

Steve's fingers hesitated for a moment, then he began to massage Howard's scalp. "Don’t you trust me?"

"You betrayed me once." He made a soft, desperate sound deep in his throat as his body throbbed with excitement.

"That's not really an answer, now it is? I could make you answer, but I'd rather you tell me without a command." He brushed Howard's mouth with his fingers. "Do you trust me, Howard?"

His breath was coming in little pants and his cock was tenting the front of his pajamas. "Yes."

Steve rested his hand on Howard's stomach, the tips of his fingers slipping under the waistband of Howard's pajamas. "Can I trust you?"

Howard moaned and grabbed Steve's hand, trying to push it lower, suddenly desperate for more.

"Howard?" Steve's voice hardened and Howard's cock jerked. "Can I trust you?"

"Yes! God, yes!" He opened his eyes and squeezed Steve's hand. "Please touch me. Please, Steve."

Steve shook his head and Howard sobbed.

"Do I have to earn it?" Obadiah sometimes played that game. "I'll be a good boy for you, Steve, I promise. I'll do anything you want, be anything you want. I promise I'll be such a good boy."

"Hush, I know." Steve pulled away, got to his feet, and stumbled to the bathroom.

Howard curled into a ball; sometimes the pleasure could hurt more than the punishment. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He could hear Steve retching in the bathroom and wondered why.

*****

Now that he knew the game, he watched Steve carefully. He saw things, noticed the way he and Tony would stop talking when he entered the room, the way they would put away their notebooks. Steve might have him all turned around, but he wasn't stupid. He could see secrets in his son's eyes and he didn't like it.

He waited until Steve invited Tony to go outside to play before sneaking into Tony's room; Steve was big on hockey games and snowmen made of dirty snow. And Tony still couldn't get enough of Steve. Howard tried not to be too bitter about it.

It wasn't hard to find the notebook. It was where Tony put all his favorite comic books: under his mattress. He sat on the bed and slowly flipped through the pages, frowning as he tried to understand what he was seeing. It was obviously schematics and some sort of code.

It looked vaguely familiar. Skrull? He wondered if he could sneak it out of the townhouse and photocopy it. This was… fascinating. He could almost grasp what the code was trying to do, but it was just out of his reach. Maybe if he had more time with it, he could understand.

"You're not supposed to be reading that!"

He gasped and snapped the notebook shut. Tony, who was still wearing his snow gear, glared at him. "Hey, pal. Are you done playing with Steve?"

"That's mine. You're not supposed to read it!" Tony marched up and snatched it out of his hands.

"Why not? It looks pretty interesting. Did Steve give that to you?" He smiled, trying to put the boy at ease.

"I'm not supposed to say."

"Oh, c'mon. You're not supposed to keep secrets from your old man. " Howard put an arm around him.

"Steve—" Tony pressed his lips together.

"I know, Steve asked you not to, but I can help. I may not be as smart as you, Tony, but I've got a lot more experience." Howard hugged him. "I won't tell if you won't."

"I don’t know…"

"Think about it, Tony. I help you with this, and when we're done, you can tell Steve it was all you. He'd be so impressed. So proud."

Tony's cheeks flushed and Howard knew he had the boy. "Well... I guess. As long as you don't tell him!"

"I won't. Cross my heart." He made an 'x' on his chest.

Tony gave him a tentative smile and he almost felt bad. "Steve wants me to study the Skrull's supercomputer. He says that when I get big enough, I can work on them. Isn't that cool?"

"Very cool." But what the hell does that mean? Why would the Skrulls need humans to take care of their computers?

"Only, I don't get some of it and Steve isn't good with computers." Tony looked quite put out about it, too.

"Why can't he just ask some of his superiors?"

"Steve says we can't say anything to anybody. It's for a secret project and if some of the Skrulls knew I was helping, they'd get jealous and might try to hurt me."

"Well, then I'll definitely keep quiet about this. I don't want anyone hurting my boy." That at least wasn't a prevarication.

*****

It was nice to have something to do with Tony, even if it was in secret. The last time Howard remembered spending so much time with him, Tony had been toddler learning his multiplication tables.

Now if he could only find a way to get close to Steve. It was driving him crazy. Oh, not just the secrets, the lies, but he couldn't get into the man's head. He couldn't figure out what Steve wanted. He was tired of sleeping alone, he was tired of being untouched and unwanted. It left him feeling sick and anxious inside.

Maybe, he thought, the direct approach would work better.

He gathered up what little courage he had left and knocked on Steve's door, hoping to catch him half-asleep and unaware.

"He's not there," Bucky said, startling him.

Howard ran his palms against the thighs of his pajama pants and glared. "Doesn't anybody in this place make noise?"

Bucky smirked. "He's not in his room. I saw him head down to the basement about fifteen minutes ago."

"The basement?"

"He's got a makeshift gym down there. He says the exercise helps him relax."

"Of course he does." Howard rolled his eyes.

"You could always keep him company. See if he'll let you pin him to the mat." Bucky waggled his eyebrows.

Normally, he might find that funny, but he was just so tired. Not even Obadiah kept the game running this long.

Bucky must have seen how upset he was, because he frowned and put a hand on Howard's shoulder. "You know, if you really need a warm body or two, Peggy and I wouldn't mind having you."

Howard blinked in surprise. "Really?"

Bucky shrugged. "You're a nice looking guy."

"I don't think Steve would like that."

"Screw Steve."

"I'm trying." He smiled weakly.

"Yeah, well, good luck with that."

"Thanks. And... I'll think about it."

He patted Howard on the back before heading to his bedroom. "You do that."

*****

Steve was pounding and kicking the punching bag like he had a personal vendetta against it. Howard watched from the doorway, enjoying the flex of muscles under Steve's tight t-shirt, the frown of intense concentration, the smooth deadly movement of his body, the way his sweatpants hung low on his hips.

It took Howard's breath away and left him aching.

Without meaning to, he moved closer and Steve's gaze flicked his way before returning to concentrate on the bag.

"What are you doing down here?" Steve wasn't even breathing hard.

"Couldn't sleep. Bucky said you were down here and I thought you might like some company." He leaned up against the wall, arms crossed over his chest.

"You'll be—" Steve stopped and gripped the bag to keep it from swinging. He studied Howard for a moment. "Come here."

Howard pushed off from the wall and cautiously walked over. There was a look in Steve's eyes that he wasn't sure he liked. "What?"

"Hit the bag."

"What?"

Steve swung the bag at him so he had to stumble back a few paces. "I said, hit the bag. Come on, let's see what you got."

Howard lightly tapped it with his fist.

"Oh, jeez, Howard, Tony hits harder than that. Hit the darn bag!"

"I'll hurt my hands. "

"Boxing gloves are on the table." Steve gestured behind him. "Know how to put them on?"

"I think I can figure it out." He moved to the table and pulled on a pair of gloves, making sure they were on snugly.

"Perfect." Steve waved him over. "Now hit the bag."

Howard gave it a half-hearted punch, then another. "This is stupid."

Steve tilted his head and considered Howard for a few moments. Then he grabbed Howard by the shirtsleeve and pulled him toward the sparring mat. "You're right. " Steve assumed a fighting stance. "Try to hit me."

His eyes widened in horror; did Steve _want_ to punish him? "I… I can't! You know I can't!"

"Sure you can." Steve smiled at him gently. "I want you to hit me. I like it when people hit me. Come on, if you manage to lay a finger on me, I'll kiss you."

He shook his head slowly.

Steve danced forward, smacked Howard on the side of the head, hard enough to sting, then danced back. "Hit me. Come on, hit me."

Howard took a deep breath and put his hands up, trying to fend off the jabs and pushes and slaps. "Stop it. Steve, stop, please!"

"Make me stop. You can make me stop, Howard." Another jab, another push, another touch.

"No, I can't!" he yelled, suddenly so angry that he began to tremble and Steve froze. "I can't make you stop. I can't… I can ask and fight and... and _beg_ , but I can't make you stop! I can't make anyone stop!"

He struggled to get the gloves off his hands, but his eyes stung and the trembling had become shaking and Steve was frowning at him. He let out a cry of frustration and sank to the mat. He couldn't do anything!

"Can I help you?" Steve asked, crouching next to him.

Howard shrugged a shoulder.

Steve began to work the gloves off Howard's hands. He said softly, "I'm sorry. I… I guess I'm so used to sparring with Bucky and the others... I'm sorry, Howard."

"Okay." He stared at the floor.

"You should still learn how to defend yourself."

"Why? I won't ever use what I've learned." He finally looked up at Steve. "I'll never be able to fight back."

"It would make me feel better. We can call it exercise. I'll have Bucky or Peggy teach you. Please? For me?"

Howard sighed and nodded; he can't say no to Steve. After a moment, he reached over and touched Steve's nose. "I laid a finger on you."

Steve let out a surprise bark of laughter. "So you did. Do you want your kiss?"

"Not now, if it's all right with you."

"Any time you want it, Howard, it's yours. All you have to do is ask for it."

"I'm going to go upstairs now." He stumbled to his feet and didn't look back as he made his way out of the room.

*****

Howard picked up the bottle of bourbon and stared at it. He knew he shouldn’t, Steve wouldn’t be happy. But then again, Steve never said he couldn’t. Howard could be content to live in the grey areas. He picked up a glass and poured himself a couple of fingers.

Steve didn’t find him until he had finished the bottle and was slumped in a chair, staring blurrily at the wall.

“Did you... Did you finish the whole thing?” Steve stared at him incredulously.

“Most of it.” He let out a snort of laughter. “It feels natural, being drunk. Y-You’re supposed to be out of control then.”

“Let’s get you to bed.” Steve grabbed his arm and pulled him up.

“But not yours. I know you’re playing with me. And I keep telling myself that I’m not going to fall for it. But then you look at me, just like that, and I see you at nineteen and I remember how much I loved you. I loved you so much.”

“You never told me.” Steve put a hand around Howard's waist and stared at him.

“I was, after we won. I was gonna sit you down and tell you and then we were gonna make love. I had it all planned out. God, I loved you. I loved that skinny boy with the big blue eyes and all the resolve in the world. What happened to him, Steve?”

When did he become a monster?

“He grew up, Howard.”

“Yeah." He sighed and laid his head on Steve's shoulder. He could smell cologne and sweat; it made him dizzy. "Did that boy love me?”

“Yeah, yeah, he loved you,” Steve whispered.


	4. Part 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard gets frustrated, Bucky gets a kiss, and Steve gets even.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this story just wants to keep rambling on with no plot in sight. Or sex. Steve, sometimes I friggin' hate you. But the next part will have plot, damn it! Even if I'm not sure about the sex. Also, thanks to some discussion here and on email, I am now writing a post "Love the Way You Lie" story with a(n of age)Tony/Howard/Steve threesome. And I'm not ashamed at all.

"No. No, no, no. Stop." Bucky readjusted Howard's position for the hundredth time, then patted his shoulder. "Now, jab, don't flail. You're a piss-poor fighter, you know that?"

Howard glared at him, his eyes stinging from the sweat, and jabbed. "This wasn’t my idea."

"Yeah, that's obvious." He sighed and grabbed his arm. "Stop, just... stop. Let's call it quits for today.

Finally! Howard flopped onto the mat and took off his gloves. Bucky handed him a bottle of water and sprawled next to him. "Thanks." He opened the bottle and drank deeply. "I don't know why he wants me to learn this."

"Steve gets crazy ideas sometimes. It's better just to do whatever he wants; arguing with him takes too much effort and he always wins." Bucky drank from his own bottle and wiped his mouth. "You have any luck?"

Howard snorted and shook his head. "It's driving me crazy. He doesn’t understand how much I... how much I need... it. Him." Sometimes, he wasn't even sure what he needed anymore.

"Steve thinks everyone's like him. He thinks we can all live on moral certainty. He forgets we need more, something tangible, sometimes."

"I think Steve lost whatever moral certainty he had a long time ago." He finished his water and crumpled the bottle.

"You still want to sleep with him."

"He's my guardian," he said softly, as if that explained everything.

Bucky reached over and ran two fingers along his jaw, it should have startled Howard, but he'd been expecting something like this. He smiled and leaned in. When Bucky kissed him, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the slow burn of desire that had nothing to do with his chip.

They might have continued, but they were distracted by the sound of someone clearing his throat. Howard jerked away and… Steve. He hunched his shoulders, waiting for the pain to lance through his body, but after a few seconds, nothing happened. He looked up at Steve; there was hurt there, but no anger.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," Steve said, his voice low and rough.

"We're done." Bucky got to his feet. "For now."

"Yeah. Some of us are lucky that way. We get to choose." Steve glanced at Howard, then spun around, and marched out.

Howard stood up and, ignoring Bucky's call to let Steve be, ran after him. "Steve! Steve, wait!"

Steve stopped at the end of the hall and let him catch up.

He grabbed Steve's arm. "I'm sorry! I—"

"Don't, Howard. It's all right. It's not your fault. He… They…" He blew out a slow breath. " I thought maybe… But they never really forgave me."

"Forgave you?"

"They're like you. They can't forgive me for being young, for being green, for not being perfect." Steve smiled and cupped Howard's jaw. "They can't forgive me for giving in. They can't forgive me because I convinced _them_ to give in. I was a kid, Howard, a kid with some basic training. And you had me leading an army against a superior force. What did you expect to happen?"

Howard opened his mouth, but he wasn't sure what he could say to that.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I do the best I can. If that's not enough, then to hell with you. And to hell with them." Steve pressed a kiss to Howard's mouth. "There. That's what I owe you." Then he turned and walked away.

*****

Howard took a few days to think about the situation, and the more he did, the more he realized it was bullshit. Steve couldn't just change the rules like that. It wasn't right. It wasn't _fair._

He considered barging right into Steve's room, and maybe catching him at an inopportune moment, but hesitated at the door. After a moment, he knocked and waited for Steve's invitation to come in.

He closed the door behind him and locked it. Then stopped to admire Steve reading in bed, nothing on but a pair of pajama pants.

Steve raised an eyebrow. "What do you need, Howard."

"It's not fair," he said, then paused when he realized that he sounded like Tony. He took a deep breath and tried again. "You keep things from me. I'm supposed to trust you and I do, but you lie and you don't tell me things."

"It's for your own good." Steve closed his book and put it on the nightstand.

"Bullshit," he said, because he knew he could. "You're punishing me."

"If I wanted to punish you, Howard, I'd make you crawl into bed with me and ignore you all night."

Howard took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You tell Tony your secrets."

"He's loyal. I can trust him."

He felt a burst of untamed jealously. "He doesn't tell you everything!"

Steve smirked and Howard realized the little shit told him about their secret discussions.

"When?" He slumped his shoulders, feeling unbearably tired.

"As soon as he could get me alone." Steve pulled the blankets aside and gestured for Howard to crawl in.

He almost laughed; his life was a series of punishments. He slid under the covers and stared up at the ceiling. "I didn't sleep with them."

"I know." Steve snuggled under the blankets and watched Howard. "I didn't tell Tony everything."

"Really?" He turned to face Steve, wanting desperately to believe that.

"Really." Steve put an arm around his waist and pulled him close. "You'll sleep here from now on."

"I want to know everything, Steve. Please." Howard licked Steve's chin, then his mouth.

"Soon," Steve said after a moment. "This weekend. It's long overdue."

A lot of things were long overdue. "I love you."

Steve laughed and kissed him. "Liar."


	5. Part 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot! And bad science. Just hand-wave it if you can, dear reader. Just hand-wave it. Also, there are some side characters you might recognize in this chapter. :D

“Why are we in Westchester?” Howard asked as they sat in the corner of a small coffee shop sipping overpriced, overly sweet coffee.

Steve smiled and licked whipped cream off the rim of the cup; Howard’s breath caught and his mouth went dry. “Drink your coffee.”

He took a sip of coffee, grimacing slightly, and watched as Steve subtly scanned the shop. After a few minutes, the bell above the door ran and Steve tensed for a heartbeat before returning to studied nonchalance.

A man with dark hair and piercing eyes pulled up a chair and sat down. He made Howard nervous; there was something familiar about him.

“Glad you could make it, Erik.” Steve’s smiled false-bright. “Howard, this is Erik.”

Howard held out his hand and Erik glanced at it in disdain.

“Erik doesn’t like humans,” Steve said softly.

“He’s a...” The rest died on Howard’s lips as Erik snarled.

“I thought you said he was smart.”

“You have him at a disadvantage, Erik.” Steve finished his drink. “His area of expertise is mechanical engineering. Machines, not genetics. I thought you two would get along.”

“Mmm.” Erik stared at Howard for a moment, then turned to Steve, giving him a slow, almost playful smile. “You didn’t bring that wonderful shield of yours.”

A flicker of emotion crossed Steve’s face, too quick for Howard to decipher it. “No, I figured it would be safer to leave it at home this time.”

“Pity.” Erik stood abruptly and made for the exit.

Steve sighed and got to his feet. “Come on.”

They followed Erik to his car and climbed into the backseat. Neither Steve nor Erik said anything, so he didn’t either.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that it hit him. That’s how he knew Erik. He gasped softly and turned to whisper into Steve’s ear. “He... Steve, he...”

Steve just gave him a bland look.

Howard pressed his lips together to stop the flow of words. Erik was a terrorist, but of course Steve knew that already. His mind raced to try to put the pieces together. He tried not to jump to conclusions. He took Steve’s hand and squeezed it gently; his heart fluttered in his chest.

“Close your eyes,” Steve said, suddenly and Howard obeyed. A few minutes later, the car came to a stop. “Okay, you can open them again.”

He did, then blinked slowly at the mansion in front of them. Where did that monstrosity come from? “Steve?”

“It’s a school. Let’s just say that they have ways of keeping it hidden.” Steve stilled, his head tilted slightly, then he opened the car door. “He’s waiting for us in the library.”

“Who?” he asked, but Steve didn’t answer.

The who turned out to be a man in a wheelchair who smiled at them when they walked into the library. He had a nice smile and friendly eyes.

“Steve, it’s always nice to see you. And I’m glad to see you brought Mr. Stark with you.”

“I thought it was about time. Howard, this is Professor Charles Xavier.”

Xavier held out his hand and Howard shook it. “It’s nice to meet you, Professor Xavier.”

“Call me Charles, please. Only my students call me professor.” Charles touched his temple and contemplated Howard for an uncomfortable moment. Then he frowned and glanced at Steve. “This won’t be easy. How long have you had the chip, Howard?”

“Almost eight years.”

“Ah,” Charles said, but it was obvious he already knew that. Then he turned to Steve and they stared at each other.

Finally, Steve shook his head. “It has to be done.”

“You have to accept responsibility for the consequences,” Charles’ tone was sharp.

Consequences for what? Howard opened his mouth to speak, but Steve glared at him.

“I accept responsibility. And I’ll do what’s necessary.” Steve rubbed the back of his neck and flushed.

“I know it’s distasteful to you,” Charles said, in an amused tone.

“You know it’s not. And you know that’s the problem.”

“We all have our crosses to bear, Steven. You chose yours willingly.”

As rebukes went, Howard thought, that was a good one.

Steve took a deep breath and looked at Howard. “There’s a way to disengage the control chip.”

Howard sucked in a deep breath and stared at Steve in shock. “W-What?”

“We can destroy the chip. But, Howard, it’s dangerous. If something goes wrong, and it could because of the length of time you’ve had the chip, there could be brain damage.”

Fear and excitement warred with each other and he suddenly needed to sit down. He did, right on the floor. He touched the back of his neck. “You can turn it off? You can…”

“It doesn’t fix everything, Howard.” Steve laughed bitterly. “Actually, it doesn’t fix anything.”

“Turn it off!” He looked up at Steve. “Do what you have to, but… but turn it off!”

Steve knelt at his side. “You have to be sure about this. It’s not going to be easy. Howard. The chip is addictive, physically and emotionally addictive.”

Howard was shaking and Steve held him. “I don’t care. Turn. It. Off!”

“It’s going to hurt. Bad. But I’m going to be right here, Howard. I’m not going to leave you, okay?”

He closed his eyes and shuddered. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

For a moment, Howard wondered if this was another one of Steve's tests. If it was, it was a cruel one. He used to imagine getting rid of the chip, back in the early years. He used to imagine finding ways to rip or cut it out.

If it was true, if Steve could really disable it… the thought made him a little sick.

"We should take him to the exam room," Charles said.

"Yeah." Steve got to his feet, pulling Howard up with him. "Yeah, let's go."

Erik was waiting for them, his eyes narrowing as he watched Steve strap Howard to the table and slip him a mouth guard. Howard wondered what he was thinking. Erik smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.

Howard shuddered. No, maybe he didn't want to know.

Steve rested his hand on Howard's chest and smiled reassuringly. "Everything will be all right."

He blinked in response. He wasn't afraid. Either it would work or it wouldn't. Either he would be all right or he would be beyond caring.

Erik walked over and rested his hand on Howard's forehead. He frowned, suddenly and looked over his shoulder at Charles. "I can feel the shape of it! I don’t need your damn schematics!" Then his voice softened and he said, "I know, but I can do this, Charles. Then I'll rest, I promise."

Howard wondered what the hell Erik was going on about. He—

His world went white hot, pain and pleasure spiraling up and up until it was just an endless agony he couldn't escape from. His body was wracked with convulsions and his eyes rolled back in his head, his teeth clenched the guard.

Then just as quickly, the white heat was gone, leaving him feeling hollowed, his nerves screaming, his body jerking. Steve gently unstrapped him and pulled the guard from his mouth.

Howard tried to speak, but the words slipped sideways, dancing just out of his reach. Steve shook his head and said a few words, but he couldn't understand them, only the tone, worried and tender, seemed familiar.

That was enough.

He closed his eyes and let the darkness that lingered around the edges of his vision take him.

*****

When he woke, his whole body felt bruised and battered like the morning after one of Obadiah's parties or one of Bucky's rigorous workouts. He moaned softly, blinking against the sudden light of the lamp on the nightstand.

"Shh, it's all right. I’m here."

Steve, he thought, and let out a soft sigh.

"You've been asleep for more than a day. Do you think you can sit up?"

No, he wanted to say, but Steve was already lifting his shoulders and slipping pillows behind him. He worked his mouth for a moment, then Steve brought a cup to his lips. Most of the water ran down the front of his shirt, but he swallowed enough.

"W—Where?" he asked.

"You tell me, Howard. What's the last thing you remember?"

He frowned, oh, even his face hurt. "Pain."

Steve made a sound deep in his throat and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Before that."

"Westchester. Charles and Erik." He gasped. "My control chip?"

"Disabled. But you're not out of the woods yet. Your brain chemistry is going crazy. We'll have to stabilize it with medication until it can do it on its own. As for the rest..." Steve swallowed hard. "Don't worry, I know what to do. I'll take care of you. You're a good boy, Howard."

He let out a little moan of pleasure, then blinked in surprise. "I thought…"

"Patterned response," Steve said softly. "You were with him for more than seven years. It'll get you through this. Understand?"

He thought he did. "Are you going to fuck me?" He couldn't keep the hopeful note out of his voice.

"When you're stronger. You have to get stronger for me first."

*****

He received a reward for each milestone met: a kiss, a touch, a taste of Steve on his tongue. It was better than anything the chip could produce because it was real. It was Steve, all Steve.

*****

Howard rested his head on Steve's belly and enjoyed the lingering taste of come on his tongue. "Are you going to tell me? Am I strong enough now?" Have I pleased you?

Steve played with Howard's hair, quiet. "The Skrulls call it Operation Lights Out. It's… insurance, in case they lose control. They've been here a long time, Howard, pretending to be human, making sure that on matter what we do, we'll always lose."

"How?" He pressed a kiss to Steve's belly button.

"A marker in our DNA, they put it in our vaccines. That's why they put such an emphasis on medical advancement. But even then, when I fought them… Eighty percent of the population, they said. All they needed to do was bounce the right frequency off the satellites. I didn't believe them at first, but..." Steve's voice is thick with pain.

"Ceres, California." Howard lifted his head and stared at Steve in horror. "We though it was some sort of bioweapon."

"And you were right. Thirty thousand people dead." He closed his eyes and gripped Howard's hair. "Men, women… children. Because of me, because of my pride."

"No! Steve, no. Not because of you. You didn't do that, the Empire did." He slid up and kissed Steve hard. "You have a plan."

"We found a way to destroy the marker, but it's slow going. They had decades and we've only had eight years."

We.

"Bucky, Peggy, and the Commandos."

Steve nodded. "And Charles and his group. There's a whole underground. There's even a faction among the Skrulls that are helping us."

"The percentage you've... scrubbed of the marker?"

"Not enough. Sixty, maybe seventy percent of the population. That's why I need Tony. He's young enough that they haven't turned on the control chip. And they don't know how smart he is, or they would have tapped him sooner. He can get into their computers, he can dismantle them."

"So can I," he said, hurt. "I've got the experience. I—"

Steve covered his mouth. "It's not a competition. You're not in competition."

But that wasn't true. "He's too young. It's too dangerous. I can do it just as well as he can."

"I wasn't sure you would survive the process." He touched the back of Howard's neck. "That's why I took so long."

"Well, I did." He smiled and kissed his way down Steve's body, teasing with his tongue and teeth so that by the time he got to Steve's cock, it was hard. "Tony can't do this."

He took all of Steve into his mouth and sucked.


	6. Part 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howard and Tony fight over Steve a bit. Steve does what he can to make them behave.

Tony was waiting for them when they walked into the townhouse. He launched himself at Steve with a happy cry. And Steve lifted the boy into his arms and held him tight. Laughing, he said, "I missed you, too!"

"You were gone too long," Tony scolded, then looked over at Howard with a scowl.

"Behave, Tony, and give your dad a smile." Steve kissed Tony's forehead, but didn't put him down.

Howard did not frown. He did not glare or scowl or grumble. Instead, he smiled. "Hello, Tony."

Tony huffed softly and smiled back. "Hi."

"Good, I need you two to get along. Tony start briefing your dad on everything I told you to hold back on the Skrull computers."

"I thought that my project!" He pouted.

"It is your project. And now I want you to brief your dad on it. Hey, none of that." Steve gently gripped Tony's chin and stared into his eyes. "Did I not say that when you were older you'd get to be my sidekick?"

The sullen look melted from Tony's face and he grinned. "Partner."

Steve rolled his eyes. "Partner. Now come on, partner, I need you to be a team player."

Tony sighed and hugged Steve. "All right."

*****

"Partner?" he asked later, when they were alone in their room.

Steve pulled off his t-shirt, stretched out on the bed, and smiled lazily at Howard. "He's a kid. At that age all kids dream about putting on a costume and fighting bad guys. I know I did. Now take off your clothes and straddle my hips. I want you to jerk off and come on my chest."

"Then I can lick you clean?" He pulled off his clothes.

"If you're a good boy."

His cock surged to life. "I'm always a good boy."

"Not always," he said, as Howard straddled his hips and began stroking himself. "You need to be nicer to Tony."

Howard moaned and rocked against Steve. "Don’t wanna talk about Tony right now!"

Steve smirked and reached up to twist his nipples. "What do you want to talk about, Howard?"

"Y-You! Fucking me. You still haven't fucked me, Steve." He was whining, but, God, he couldn't help it. Sometimes, he felt so damn empty, like a shell, but he knew that Steve could fill him up.

"I'm saving it for sometime special." Steve was breathing heavily, his whole upper body flushed pink with arousal.

Howard ground down against Steve's erection, pulling a moan from both of them. "E-Every moment is special with you, Steve. Every—" His voice stuttered to a stop as Steve brushed his hand aside and began wanking him. "

"You're my good boy, Howard. Now I need you to be my special boy," Steve crooned softly, rubbing his thumb against the head of Howard's cock. "You want that, don't you? I'll only fuck you if you're my special boy."

Howard wailed, jerking his hips as his balls tightened. Close, so close. "Yes! Your special boy. I want that, please, Steve, I want that!"

"Then earn it, Howard. I need to know you'll do what I say."

"Anything! I'll do anything!"

Steve squeezed his erection. "Come for me."

God! His body arched and he let out an agonizing groan as he spilled over Steve's belly and chest. He slumped, exhausted, his body trembling. There was a drop of come on Steve's chin. He moved to lick it off, but Steve put a hand on his chest.

"Be nicer to Tony, Howard. He's your son and he deserves that." He nodded and Steve's hand dropped from his chest. "Clean me up."

*****

Howard walked into Tony's workroom and watched the boy tinker with the parts of an engine, an intense look of concentration on his face. He moved to the workbench and sat down. "How's it going?"

Tony spared him an annoyed glance. "Fine."

"Need any help? You know, I used to build my own plane engines." He used to build a lot of things. He picked up a nut and rubbed the oil off of it with his thumb.

"No." Tony reached over and took it from his hands.

"Oh, c'mon, Tony, let your old man do something." Howard gently touched Tony's arm.

"I don't need your help." There was a short pause, then he finished with a grudging, "Thank you."

Howard crossed his arms over his chest, unsure of what to say. He was never very good at talking to Tony. Sometimes it felt like the boy had been born rebellious. Rebellious and brilliant, he couldn’t deny that, not with the way the boy's tiny hands moved over the machinery with a surety that belied his age.

"I'm doing the best I can," he said, finally. "I know you're too young to understand that, but I am."

Tony glanced at him. "That's what Steve says."

"Steve's pretty smart. In his own way." They shared a smile.

"Yeah." Tony put down the wrench in his hand and turned to face Howard. He reached over and touched the side of Howard's neck, his eyes going wide. "Does he hurt you?" he asked, his voice tiny, reminding Howard that he was just a child.

"Does he..." He blushed when he realized that Tony was touching a love-bite. "No, no, he doesn't hurt me."

"Uncle Obi hurt you."

Howard thought he'd been able to keep that from Tony. Evidently not. Shame and embarrassment made it hard to speak for a moment. When the words finally came, they were soft, "Yes, he hurt me. But Steve isn't like Obadiah. He would never hurt me. He would never hurt you."

"'Course not! He loves me!" Tony glared at him.

"He loves me, too." Howard swallowed. "You know I love you, Tony." Badly, but it was the only way he knew how.

There was a slight hesitation, but Tony nodded.

"I'd never take Steve away from you." No matter how much he might want to. "We're a family. The five of us are a family. We take care of each other." _So stop trying to take Steve away from me._

Tony bit his bottom lip and nodded again.

"Now can I help you with your engine? Please?"

"I can't get this bolt off. It's stuck." He pointed to the offending bolt.

"Let me see what I can do. Hand me that wrench."

*****

Steve rushed into the kitchen with Bucky trailing behind him while he, Tony and Peggy were having dinner. They were both still in their costumes, Steve's face was streaked with blood and Bucky's jacket had one sleeve ripped off.

"He's coming at the end of next month," Steve said, his voice trembling with something too intense to be excitement. "The Skrull Emperor is coming."

They all knew what meant.

Howard stood up, his chair toppling, and bolted from the room. He made it to the toilet just in time for his dinner to come back up.


	7. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *dances* Oh, finally! This was almost the story that never ended. It went on and on, my friend. Oh, great, now I have "The Song that Never Ends" stuck in my head. Oh, right, summary: the end.

"I don't think we should wait anymore," Steve said, as if it had been Howard's choice, and drew him onto the bed.

Steve's mouth was hot and damp against his skin, blazing trails of pleasure so strong that for a moment he thought his chip had been reactivated.

He murmured Steve's name, his body moving against Steve's smooth sweat-slick skin. He ran his hands over Steve's shoulders, feeling the bunch and strain of muscle, and Steve's hard cock painted sticky traces of arousal on Howard's belly, as if his own need wasn't enough.

"I love you," Steve said. "I love you,"

Howard's response caught in his throat and he wrapped his legs around Steve's waist. His mouth always got him into trouble, so he let his body respond for him.

It hurt when Steve finally pushed into him, but he didn't let that stop him. He moved into Steve's thrusts, urging him with kisses that meant to say 'more' and 'please' and 'I love you, too.'

Steve managed to coax two orgasms out of Howard, then fucked his way to two more for himself, before pulling out.

Howard knew he would be limping in the morning, but found he didn't care. He drowsed against Steve's chest, listening to the steady rhythm of Steve's heart.

Steve carded his hand through Howard's hair. "You should sleep."

"So should you," he responded.

But neither of them did.

*****

In the end, the only one of them who did get any sleep was Tony, his youth working in his favor.

That morning, they packed him off to Westchester with one of Xavier's students, a serious young man with red glasses. Steve said he would be safe there, regardless of the outcome.

"I wish…" Howard started, but let the words die out. There were a lot of things he wished, but none of that mattered now. He was going into battle.

*****

The command ship was thick with personnel, both Skrull and human, and no one noticed that Steve and Bucky had brought up Peggy and Howard.

Steve ushered the two of them into a room no bigger than a broom closet. Hell, it might have been except that it had a computer terminal.

"Bucky and I have to attend to the Emperor. But as soon as the system's down, as soon as it is—"

"You'll be the second to know. " She smiled indulgently. "Once Howard's done his part, we'll head for the shuttle. I'll take care of him, Steve."

"Don't worry about me. Just take care of yourself. " Howard touched Steve's arm and leaned in for a kiss. "Go."

Steve kissed him, just a quick brush of their lips. "Good luck."

"You, too." He smiled until the door closed behind Steve. Then he exchanged a quick look with Peggy and got to work.

*****

"Fuck," he said. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"What is it?" Peggy crouched down next to him and peered at the mess of wires and components that made up the computer terminal.

"They made upgrades. This," he pointed with his screwdriver, "is new technology."

"Can you still hook up the laptop and run the virus?"

He glared at her. "This isn't a movie. Our laptop is completely incompatible now."

"So we abort the mission."

"No!" Howard closed his eyes for a moment, visualizing the programming that he and Tony studied for months. "I can get in. I can by-pass their security protocols. I can shut down the computer grid and the satellite system."

"Are you sure? Because if you can't…"

Millions of people would die. Billions. He opened his eyes. "I'm sure."

"Then do it. I'll let Steve know that he needs to stall."

He worked quickly, his mind racing, his heart pounding in his chest. Once the whole system failed, they'd know. Their technicians would race to pull it back up.

"I can't leave," he said, pausing for a few seconds.

"What?" Peggy touched his shoulder.

"I can't leave. Once everything goes down, I'll have to stay here. I have to make sure they can't pull it back up." There was a hysterical note to his voice.

"You have to. Steve—" She bit her lip. "What if we blow the main computer?"

"Maybe." Howard took a deep, shaky breath. He knew how heavily it was guarded.

"Bring down the grid, Howard. I'll take care of the rest."

*****

"Now," he said. "Now!"

She signaled Steve and Bucky, then pressed a kiss to his temple. She set one of her extra weapons on the ground next to him "Wait for the explosions, then run for the shuttle bay. If it takes longer than a half an hour, assume I'm dead, and go anyway."

He grunted softly, trying to ignore the way his eyes stung.

She touched his hair. "Love you, Howard."

"L-Love you, too."

*****

There was an explosion thirty-five minutes later, and everything went black. He could hear the screams and wails out in corridor and he groped around until he found the gun.

He held it close and stumbled out of the room into chaos. For a moment, the press of bodies, the screaming, and the smoke left him disoriented. He took a deep breath, then coughed as he sucked in too much smoke, and did his best to get his bearings.

*****

Howard had to shoot a few Skrulls to get on the last shuttle.

He didn't mind one bit.

*****

The streets were as chaotic as the ship and he took a few seconds to watch with pride, as his fellow New Yorkers did their best to dispatch the Skrulls who hadn't shape-shifted into human form.

They'd deal with the rest later; Steve said that Charles had a formula that would force the Skrulls to shift back to their original shape.

*****

The city burned and the Emperor's ship broke apart like a fragile shell.

Tears streamed down Howard's face as he watched.

*****

It was a week before he made it to Westchester. Tony cried in his arms; he did his best to console the boy.

*****

They found his shield.

*****

They didn't find Steve, he found them.

When he walked into the room, it went silent. He was wearing his old uniform, the one they designed together: red, white, and blue patriotic, but also slightly silly with the wings painted on his helmet.

Howard took a step towards him, then stopped.

Steve pulled off his helmet and let it drop to the floor; his face was streaked with dirt and blood and there was a massive bruise on his cheek. He grinned and the years melted away. "Hey, guys."

Howard made a sound deep in his chest that was part sob, part laugh.

Steve closed the distance between them and grabbed Howard's arms. "Did you miss me?"

"No." Howard kissed him hard on the mouth. Steve tasted like blood and ash and something undeniably sweet and hopeful.


End file.
